The Myth of Instant Recovery: Why Real Change Takes Time

“I can’t believe I drank it again last night - maybe I just don’t have what it takes…”

Does that sound familiar?

We often have a very unrealistic idea about what the journey of changing our relationship with alcohol looks like. We believe it should be like switching “an on-and-off” switch, seamlessly switching from the old drinking days to the new sober me, as easy as switching from an iPhone 12 to an iPhone 13. Little did we realize that changing our relationship with alcohol is more like switching from paper files to a computer system, from riding a bicycle to driving a car, or from speaking your mother tongue to learning a second language.

The Realities of Alcohol Recovery: Learning a New Way of Life

If you have been a regular drinker for a while, chances are that alcohol has become an intertwined part of your life and your go-to strategy to get from point A to point B, with: Point A being stressed and point B feeling relaxed; Point A is boredom and point B the relief of boredom; or point A being slightly anxious and point B feeling more at ease. Alcohol has become the default strategy to move from your current state to your desired state. Replacing this default strategy with a new one is a learning process, similar to adapting to a new language in a foreign country.

Imagine you walk into a restaurant hungry, desiring a hamburger. If you are in your home country, fulfilling this desire is effortless because you know exactly how to order it with your default strategy—in this case, say it in your mother tongue, “May I have a hamburger.” But if you've moved to a foreign country, suddenly, your default strategy—ordering in your mother tongue—is no longer valid. Now you must adopt a new strategy: ordering in the new language. You may have no clue how to proceed, and even with some basic skills in this new language, you'd likely find yourself struggling to string together a simple sentence. It's unrealistic to expect yourself to switch from your default language to a new one seamlessly on Day 1, or even within Year 1.

The Process of Recovery: What It Really Takes to Change

However, we often expect this kind of overnight transition when it comes to changing our alcohol consumption. We ignore the reality that to let go of alcohol, you need to find new ways to get from point A to point B without the "help" of alcohol. And it is a process that takes learning, practice, and often trial and error before you can master a new strategy. 

We often fail to allow ourselves grace in this learning process. We are too quick to label these trials and errors as failures and to call the learning curve personal weakness. As an English as a second language speaker, if I had treated myself with just 10% of the harshness I experienced in my language learning journey, I would never have gotten anywhere close to fluency in English. Imagine how quickly I would have given up if, every time I mispronounced a word, I shamed myself into believing that I was weak; and every time I defaulted back to my first language, I called it a “relapse.”

Learning Through Compassion: A New Approach to Recovery

You may be thinking, sure, but the stakes aren't the same. You won’t lose your job, ruin your relationship, or destroy your health with a few mispronunciations. You’re right, the stakes aren't the same, but the process is similar. We progress faster through learning, not shame.

When we are busy beating ourselves up, paralyzed by guilt and shame, we miss out on the opportunity to learn and grow. What if, instead of self-criticism, we approached sobriety with compassion, curiosity, and a readiness to learn from our “missteps”? What if we viewed each time when we failed to say “no” to a drink as a chance to learn something new about ourselves, without the heavy burden of shame?

That’s is the spirit we cultivate in Reimagine Sobriety Club where we redefine your journey of outgrowing alcohol and help you reimagine sobriety. Join us today to transform your journey in sobriety - choose compassionate curiosity over judgment, empowerment over the label, and a growth mindset over a fixed mindset. 

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