What’s Weakening the Will—the Science Behind Alcohol Relapse

Have you ever found yourself passing by the wine section in your local market when you told yourself you were going to skip drinking for a while? Despite the promise you had with yourself, your feet became glued, and the wines were calling you.

After much debate, finally, you pick up a bottle and place it in your shopping cart. You feel a sense of relief, imagining popping open the cork once you get home. But there is also a sense of defeat—am I weak-minded?

The Myth of Being Weak-Minded

We are often made to believe that we should have the willpower to resist temptation in life, and when we fail, it’s a sign of weak-mindedness. That is a myth. Contrary to popular belief, willpower is not a fixed quality. Rather, it’s more like a reserve—none of us have an unlimited supply. Often times, we wake up in the morning with a fuller tank of reserve. As we move through the day, each decision—from deciding what to wear to work to answering the endless emails in your inbox—slowly depletes this reserve. By the end of the day, the tank is almost empty. Even summoning a small amount of will seems challenging, and saying no to the temptation of a glass of wine seems almost impossible.

This is called ego depletion—the gradual wearing out of self-control as a result of continuous effort to resist impulses. It’s not a mark of your character, but a reflection of the number of factors in your life that are demanding your mental resources. In other words, willpower alone is often not sufficient to sustain long-term change. Moreover, the way our brain works makes relying on mere will to sustain change especially difficult in the long run.

Remembering the Good, Forgetting the Bad: Euphoric Recall

Like the old film highlight reel, only the best scenes in our life make the cut. If I ask you to tell me about your old drinking times, chances are, you will reminisce about the laughter and fun, rather than the memory of throwing up next to a porcelain bowl. 

This is because of a psychological phenomenon called Euphoric Recal - we remember past experiences more positively than they actually were, often glossing over the negative aspects. Our memory selectively emphasizes the pleasures of an experience, while minimizing or completely forgetting the pain. When it comes to alcohol, or other addictive substances, it can create compelling, yet distorted, memories that pull a person back to use.

However, if you think this is a flaw unique to people with a chemical dependency, you are wrong. Euphoric recall is a universal phenomenon that reflects how our brain is designed to work—we tend to wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to reminiscing about the past.

Fading Effect Bias: Rose-Colored Glasses

The rose-colored glasses are called the fading effect bias—a psychological phenomenon where the emotional intensity of negative memories fades faster than that of positive memories. Over time, we tend to recall positive experiences more vividly and in a more enhanced manner compared to negative ones.

This bias affects how we remember past events, potentially leading us to view our personal history in a more favorable light. For example, the distressing feelings from a heated argument with a friend might deeply upset you today, but in a few years, you'll likely remember the makeup conversation and the lessons learned more vividly than the pain of the conflict. By diminishing the emotional impact of negative experiences more quickly than positive ones, this bias helps us recover from past adversities faster and promotes psychological resilience. However, the drawback is that it also can make us forget the pains that motivate us to change. 

Awareness is the Key

Awareness about these phenomena alone can help us weaken their effect. Instead of relying solely on willpower, it’s important to understand the tricks our minds play and prepare for them. That’s what we do inside the Sober Curious Society.

In our upcoming Live Workshop + Support Group, 'Willpower Decoded”' on Monday, July 1st, 2024, I will guide you to create a more truthful memory to help you dismantle euphoric recalls when they arise.

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